My Man is BOMB

Dear Neil Sedaka

I was watching tv in bed with my hubby, B, last night. I thought to myself, “He is so cool.” Then I began to wonder, “If society didn't normalize marriage and people living as couples, would he spend so much time with me?” Obviously men spend a lot of time around ladies (or men) because they are hoping to get some, but we are tied at the hip all the time. Does he want to be tied at the hip or is this just what he thinks he is supposed to do? I started to think about the things I do. Would I want to hang around me? How did I get so lucky to hang around him? That’s when it occurred to me; someone had to blow the candle out on his night stand. I asked him to blow it out, but because he was in bed he could barely reach it and so he was going to tilt it to blow it out. I asked him not to tilt it because it would make the melted wax go up the side of the candle and next time it would melt crooked, so he left it lit. I was fine with that because I like candles to burn flat. I learned that you have to let the entire top of a candle melt if you want it to burn down without the hole in the middle of the candle. I don’t like holes in candles. I don’t know if any Neil Sedaka songs mention candles. I don’t know if Brandon likes candles, but they make the room smell nice. Kobe Bryant could probably use a candle this week. He has gastroenteritis. I was surprised sweaty, infectious Kobe was playing because I sure wouldn’t want to be out there with him. I am a germ-phobe, so I boil kitchen sponges a lot. The announcers talked about how he was squirting from both ends or something like that. B told me that people who are sick play all the time. So I asked if anyone had ever had diarrhea on the court because someone could slip and fall or the ball could roll through it. He didn’t think that had ever happened. 

~ pumpkinshellz

Getting a Tux & Chicken Nuggets

Dear Neil Sedaka,

So my son is going to prom tonight, which means two things; we had to rent a tux and I have to vacuum up all that cat hair before he gets dressed because I think I am out of tape.

So we went in for a fitting at a tux rental place. There were so many to tuxedos to choose from. There was a black one, a white one, and another black one and next to that, another black one, and then there were several black ones. So we asked for the black one.

They measured my son with a measuring tape and he tried on a sample tux. He looked really handsome and he hadn’t even brush his hair that day. So we paid and were told to come back for a second fitting three days later.

So we went back for the second fitting. Now I know why they have a second fitting – because boys grow p-r-e-t-t-y d-a-n-g fast. In only three days, my son’s arms grew three inches longer! So they ordered the coat to be altered and we were told to come back the next day.

We went back the next day, but this time there was a humongous line of people picking up their tuxedos. The young man behind me was talking about wanting to go to Stanford, but that it was too expensive and that he had just had Burger King and had eaten too many chicken nuggets. I sometimes eat too many nuggets, too. You look in the box and think, “I am so full, but there are two left.” So you eat them and then you think, “why did I eat those?” I still don’t know if he is going to Stanford. I hated having to wait because every minute my son’s arms were likely getting longer. Finally, they had him try on the tux again with the altered coat. Wouldn’t you know it…his neck grew a whole shirt size over night and now his shirt didn’t fit. So we got the tux and left and his dance is tonight. I am hoping he will not grow until after the dance. I think he is going to brush his hair tonight.

~pumpkinshellz

Neil Sedaka

Dear diary,

How are you? I am very well, thanks. I just started my diary blog today, but I already feel like "dear diary" is so impersonal. Therefore, I shall give you a name. From here forward, you shall be pseudo Neil Sedaka. I love your song, Laughter in the Rain. Okay, so let's start over.

Dear Neil Sedaka,

Today was Wednesday. I know this because I saw people taking their trash cans to the curb this afternoon. Trash day is Thursday. I probably should find a different indicator of what day it is because if people take the cans out too early, I might think it is Thursday when it is Wednesday.

...okay, well it is late and I have to go to bed. Talk to you tomorrow.
~pumpkinshellz